Everything feels a little surreal. My heart hurts and I sort of feeling like crying again. I'm scared for sure. I sent Samantha an email telling her about my thoughts for going at the project solo. I feel raw and vulnerable. Worse, I had to tell my husband that I needed him. Or I had to admit that to myself. The truth is without his support I would never be able to go after my dream life without trying desperately to make it perfect for society without the fear of financial failure looming in the back of my mind. Don't get me wrong. It is 100% there but I am at a point in my life where it's actually possible to consider these things because I have an investor. An investor. And yes he knows me, like on a very personal level, which I guess should be MORE encouraging. It is hard to accept. Especially as someone who is usually about "not needing no man." And definitely not needing no financing from a man! How did I end up here? And why do I resist that a man who loves me also wants to help financial support the business of my dreams becoming a reality? Will it look like I didn't struggle enough to get what I wanted? Will it look easier to the outside eye? Does it look easier to me?
The truth is no. It just look like it is possible NOW and I want to live in it and be grateful. All this misguided judgement stands to keep me small and down on my Self and my progress. I wouldn't feel this way if I was getting support from a bank I would definitely feel more pressure to make it work and be successful and in the process possibly not be able to hear and follow my heart and the messages sent my way.
This is certainly going to be quite a ride.