220 Days

New level achieved! No, not in my D&D game (unfortunately). Yesterday was such a fun ride of new experiences and showing up to some powerful conversations in a way I really haven't been able to access for the past 2 or 3 years.

I used to have a lot of false bravado. Don't get me wrong. I truly have believed in myself most of my life. I know we are capable of anything and everything we put our minds to, it's the putting our minds to it that can be the challenging part. My mother always told me "you have the cookie." IDK much about parenting but it meant a lot to me both as I was growing up and now in my last year of my 20s. I used to be kind of obnoxious about my cookie though. Like "bitch you definitely want it, I'm the freaking best and no one can touch me!" Which, is like, true and all. But it's enough just for me to think that (and remind myself of it when the other voice comes in....) I've spent the better part of this past decade letting go of trying to get other people to understand and accept me and more trying to understand and accept myself. This has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. Much of what I thought, believed, and held close has been questioned, examined, rewritten or just straight up tossed out of the window on a Tuesday afternoon by a passing comment. There is always so much to learn and I think that, at least right now, I believe that by being open to what I don't know and being honest about what I do allows the flow of life and energy to support and create ease in the journey.

Now if I haven't lost you with all of that mumbo-jumbo just yet. I'd LOVE to tell you about yesterday and my plans moving forward! But first pause for ritual::

"Faith is the very first thing you should pack in a hope chest."

- Sarah Ban Breathnach

author of Simple Abundance

This was a quote that stuck me from today's reading that will be worth further exploration. The card I pulled, Dawn Watcher, felt along a similar message. It spoke of being in a state of proper guidance, the dreams you are working towards are attainable and flourishing, and there are protectors vigilantly looking out for you, sending warning signs or messages as they come, I need only listen and pay attention. I let a few tears escape and my chest open up as I read. These dreams I barely dare to dream being actually brought into existence feels so exciting and scary and challenging all at the same time. It was reassuring to pull a piece of cardboard that witnessed this transformation I've been having.

So yesterday! The talk with Samantha went very well, in my opinion! She was receptive and open to my ideas and to brainstorming with me different possibilities. Something she highlighted a few times was that this would be my project and that she was not interested in taking on more responsibility of the business at this time. We had a couple of thoughts as to how we might proceed, there's a lot of if/ands around which makes sense. A huge change requires huge questions. She gave me the number of the small business development center in Middlebury which I'll be calling later today, as well as a good recommendation for a location to check out.

She was also able to give me great insight into the market and current rental properties available around town - apparently the one tree I was barking up is rat infested and the landlord is self destructing...no thanks!

I'm curious if the best method might be to start the business separately and find a way to incorporate her practice in rather than this mush and mashup of financial and legal confusion (there's going to be enough of that already!)

I'm feeling happy and confident. I spoke to Sean about what I think the start up cost would be and how we might be able to finance it or find a loan. I know I'm getting way in over my head here but for some reason I'm really really not afraid. I think this is going to work, guys!

Lots of love,

Melissa

I found this on the internet*